Who am I?

Who am I? Have you seriously thought about what answer
you may give? A scientist may answer: homo sapien,
human being, or “highest evolved living organism known
today”. A theologian may answer “a living being subject
to The God of heaven”. A sociologist may answer: “I’m
someone with a few close friends, then a bunch of others
who I also would call friends, and, oh, yes, there are
others who consider me their enemy. We share rather
harsh words with each other at times.”. A politician
may answer “A leader, um, I mean a servant, of
humanity”.

Philosophers throughout all time have contemplated the
question: “Who am I”. Jesus Christ while alive on this
earth could have given any of the answers above as well.
However, he avoided answering that question directly
with words. His words which predicted his own death and
resurrection and then having it come to pass fully
answered the question: “Who is Jesus?”.

I haven’t thought much about who I am. If I were
invited on a daytime TV game show and were asked the
question they would change the question slightly to
“what do you do” to get a non-confrontational career
kind of answer. I suppose I could say “I am a software
programmer.”

In March of this year my wife became ill. Soon into
April she was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. We asked
others to pray for healing. Many did. She could not
eat since the cancer was in her abdomen involving the
stomach directly. We asked others to pray she would be
able to eat and get nourishment. That never happened.
Toward the end of May we realized that without a
supernatural miracle my wife would never be strong
enough for chemo treatments. She went on home hospice
until she died on June 15Th, 2021. My identity as
husband with a permanent (over 44 years) help meet was
forever changed.

Am I expected to thank God for this? If I take the
Bible seriously, then yes. I need to say Thank you to
Him for even this. I wonder how many may have asked:
“does my Heavenly Father, the one Jesus told me to pray
to, not answer prayer?”

I accept June 15Th, 2021 as the date in time that my
wife passed from death (on this earth) to life (with
Christ in heaven). Instead of the question above, my
question, after thanking My Father for allowing my wife
to go be with her bridegroom, Jesus Christ on that day
was “How, exactly, Father did you answer all those
prayers for healing?”.

She is healed, in heaven. I am thankful not only for
her eternal healing but that everything else were
answers to prayer. I had ample opportunity to talk with
her about death to life in heaven as that appeared the
natural way things would go without the supernatural
miracle. She told me more than once she was ready to go
be with Jesus. We had enough time to talk about her
desires through this process. She left this earth as
she wanted at peace being in her own home with full mind
(no strong pain meds). We also shared many “I love
you”‘s with each other. I told her I would do anything
to keep her here with me but it was OK if she wanted to
go with Jesus (probably 3 times since this sounds like a
contradiction).

She got to see, pray with, and talk to all her family:
me, sons, daughters-in-laws, grandchildren, brother,
mother, and sister-in-law most of all she got to hold
her brand new 3 1/2 month old grandson. Her closest
friends all got to see, pray, and talk with her. And
then just 2 days after her youngest grandson left with
his family to go back home in Kansas City she left this
earth. Her final prayer – not to be a burden to
anyone – was granted.

My Father did answer our prayers. Everything God had
planned was good but the logical goodness still does not
diminish my emotional grief right now. I am sure that
with time my grief will lessen. There are plenty of
great memories I can recall.

The one character trait that would summarize my wife is
“giver”. She always put other’s needs ahead of her own.

Who am I? All I know for sure is my identity of who I
was is no longer true. I am most thankful that my
identity, with Christ, my bridegroom, will not diminish
with physical death but will become more real, unlimited
by time.